


Rocket Man

by Cassiopeia12727



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, F/M, Ficlet, Fox Mulder Angst, POV Fox Mulder, Post-Break Up, Post-Movie: The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008), Pre-Season/Series 10
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-05
Updated: 2020-11-05
Packaged: 2021-03-08 20:42:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27402946
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cassiopeia12727/pseuds/Cassiopeia12727
Summary: Lovesick Mulder is listening to Elton John's 'Rocket Man' post-breakup.
Relationships: Fox Mulder & Dana Scully, Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 9
Kudos: 13





	Rocket Man

**Author's Note:**

> This fic was inspired by a [ Tweet](https://twitter.com/SlippinMickeys/status/1323055078983585794) by Slippin' Mickeys: "Don’t worry about me, just imaging Mulder listening to Rocketman post break-up, like some kind of lovesick idiot with nothing better to do (me, not him. Okay, maybe him, too)."  
> Thanks a ton to [ SlippinMickeys](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlippinMickeys/) for not only providing the inspiration, but also for betaing my fic.  
> This is Angsty with a capital "A", so beware.
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I do not own any of the music or lyrics or associated with the song [ Rocket Man (I Think It's Going To Be A Long Long Time)](https://open.spotify.com/track/2HlCoznsLUjxP3Plgn12bf) by Elton John mentioned in my fic, and I am not monetizing on them.  
> Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Productions own The X-Files and all associated characters. I don't own any of the characters mentioned in this story or episodes and movies referenced in it.

Mulder was sitting on the living room floor. The whole house was in disarray, with books, clothes, and dirty dishes scattered all over the place. He was taking slow deep breaths, in an attempt to control the panic that was starting to creep in.

She had left him. That thought was gnawing at the flimsy fabric of his sanity. Having his favorite songs blaring over the speakers on shuffle was helping somewhat...

...until Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ started playing.

The lyrics hit too close to home, every line striking a different painful chord.

  
  


“ _I miss the earth so much, I miss my wife.”_

Mulder slumped over and put his head in his hands. The pain was now freely coursing through his veins. His body started to tremble. The desperation of being torn away from the one thing he loved the most, the only thing he truly adored in the whole wide world, was making him physically ill.

She had made his heart race and hands sweat before, mostly because of feelings of love and passion, sometimes in fear, but never like this. This was happening now because she had finally packed her bags and left him.

  
  


Out of all the ways that life would tear them apart, this was not the way he had envisioned it. He used to live in terror that the danger of their work could lead to her death or, before they had confessed their feelings to each other, that she would be deterred by his love for her. None of that had happened. They had actually been together and happy for a short period of time. He should have known that, as fragile as their joy had always been, it was bound to end sooner or later. It was no surprise to him that the reason why their bliss had ended was his own doing, although it had been unintentional.

  
  


“ _Rocket man, burning out his fuse up here alone”_

He had fallen into a deep depression born out of his obsession with his quest for the truth. He did not know what to do with his life, so he kept digging, and digging... His mental state was not helped by living like a recluse with no restrictions from the FBI as to what he could investigate had not helped his mental state. And Scully had been the one to suffer. He had burned out like a fuse, and with it, he had dimmed her light. Before he could bring her down with him, she had distanced herself in an act of self-preservation, because there was no saving him in his madness. After repeated arguments came silence, until she approached him that very morning and told him that she was leaving.

  
  


“ _Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids_

_In fact it's cold as hell”_

Their former life had not been suitable for raising children. His world was a lonely, hostile, and dangerous place. The fact that they had lost Emily and William was proof of that. Besides his shut-in existence and depressed state, he knew that Scully had longed for the stability and safety needed for them to rear a child together without having to fear for their offspring's life. Their love, out of this world and beyond comprehension in its force, should have been shared and passed on like a torch to light the world. It was not for them to keep to themselves.

  
  


Now, here he was. Missing his one true love like he had never missed anything, including her. Before, there had always been hope. Now, all hope was lost. Having become so accustomed to having her by his side, it felt as if all the oxygen had been sucked from the room. And it was cold. So cold. Without his Polaris, he was lost in the world, even lost in this little space that they had called their home. His navigation was off, and everything was spinning out of control. The gravity of the situation was weighing down heavily on him, while everything tying him to this Earth was floating off.

  
  
  


And for what? He did not even care about the paranormal mysteries that had pulled him into this black hole anymore. His search had become a comfortless addiction. What was his life mission, if _she,_ his constant, his touchstone, wasn't with him? He could not make sense of life without her.

“ _And I think it's gonna be a long, long time”_

What a fool he had been! If she was to ever let him back into her life, it would only be after a long time of them apart; probably longer than he could bear.

Tears were streaming down his face, until he could no longer cry, and dry sobs heaved his body.

He curled up into a fetal position and let the darkness of exhaustion envelop him.


End file.
